When I first thought about beginning this blog, I was excited then nervous. After all, I am not an adoptee, first parent or adoptive parent. I have been affected by adoption in a terrible way, but I am not a member of that inner crowd. I really felt as if I had no right to begin blogging about something like this because I was not a member of that triangle. I considered and reconsidered many times.
One thought that struck me while mulling the idea over is maybe no one will ever read anything I write. That’s not really important, though. I know that most of what I write is for myself. I’m expressing my own opinions. If no one ever reads my blog, that’s ok.
I then thought I might anger some adoptees or first parents. There are a lot of women who relinquished because they didn’t have support from their parents or extended family. In my short time in the adoptee and first mother blogosphere, I know there are some very heartbreaking stories of how parents treated their pregnant daughters, and I was certainly not supportive of my own daughter.
I came to the conclusion that this is a subject that needs as many voices calling for reform as it can get. Even though I am not a member of that group, my family and I were directly affected by the lack of any kind of regulation over the adoption industry. Since we lack any regulation in favor of adoptees and first parents, I wish to add my voice as an outsider informing others who may be in a similar position I was two years ago. I wish more than anything someone would have said, “hey, you really need to look at what you are doing to your daughter and her baby.” Thank goodness I knew enough that I didn’t think it was good for anyone for our granddaughter to be relinquished to strangers. Kinship adoption is better than that, but it is still not what was best for the baby or her mother.
It’s my opinion that any advance in adoption reform in the US is going to need voices outside of the adoptees and first parents. If you look at our country’s history for these types of movements, you will see that those who were taken advantage of often had little or no voice in their situations, and money was frequently the driving force behind their oppression. These movements required those in the unaffected population to recognize their plight and join the effort to change the situation.
Finally, I believe that adoptees and first mothers in these situations need to be validated, and not just by each other. They need to be validated by the rest of the world. I want to be one that speaks up and says, “What was done to you was, and is, wrong!” I will be the first in line to give an apology.