Continued from Our Adoption Story Part 2 We consulted 3 different lawyers trying to find one who would represent our daughter. They all said the same thing. We would have a long, expensive, and difficult fight that was likely to end in our loss. Even if we did win, we would then have the issue of another state to deal with trying to get M and T to relinquish custody. More than likely, we would also have to hire another lawyer in New York. All of this could take years. It was suggested we try to work something out privately with our brother-in-law and his wife. It didn't matter our Read More
Our Adoption Story Part 2
Continued from Our Adoption Story... Of course, M and T eventually did agree they wanted to adopt Charlie's baby. They started calling her periodically over the last few months of her pregnancy checking to see how things were going. I'm not sure of what exactly was discussed, but I know during one conversation Charlie asked if they were going to change the baby's name since she had one picked out. They said they didn't know if that was something she would want. She thought about it and told them she thought it would be okay. I believe this may have been in an effort to make her baby Read More
Our Adoption Story
I found out my daughter, Charlie, was pregnant in October 2009. I was very disappointed. I had a difficult time even speaking to her or supporting her. I saw her future, and my future, crumble. I knew she needed to speak with someone who could offer her the support she needed. Without understanding what they were, I set up an appointment for her to see someone at a local Pregnancy Resource Center. Our understanding was they offered counseling for someone facing an unplanned pregnancy. After the first appointment, Charlie committed to attending sessions at the PRC. However, the Read More
Different Shades of Grief
allinthefamilyadoption.comThis post was written and published here last year sometime. I took it down to re-write and correct some of the errors. I wasn't sure if I'd ever re-post, but I've decided to add it back. I didn't write this for sympathy, and I'm not re-posting it for sympathy. I'm re-posting for those considering adoption or those who have already adopted to understand the grief that can be experienced by the biological families.My mother died of cancer in November of 2001. I lost my granddaughter to adoption in March of 2010. The loss of our Read More
Kinship Adoption
Kinship adoption is one of the preferred alternatives to stranger adoption. It allows a child to stay within the family they were born into. It allows a child to stay connected to their genetic heritage. They will not wonder who their natural relatives are, where they came from, who their parents are or who they look like. Kinship adoption eliminates the big hole children adopted by strangers experience throughout their childhood and adult lives. They don't feel the need to hide the fact their ancestry is important to them. They don't need to pretend they are a part of a family in which Read More
It was all about Me
When my daughter first mentioned that adoption was being pushed on her during her "counseling" sessions at the Pregnancy Resource Center, I considered it carefully. My conclusion was that it was not a good idea to give her child away to strangers. "It would be better if your father and I adopted her ourselves," I explained to her. I thought carefully about what an adoption by my husband and I would look like. I came up with the following "rules"(for lack of a better word):1. We would only take guardianship at first, and we would wait to see if adoption was the Read More
Story of a Natural Mother Part 1
As this is my very first blog post, I should tell you why I am writing.I am a Natural Mother. I gave my daughter up to adoption. A choice I regret every moment of every day.Before I begin my story, I must say that I do not like being called birthmother or B.Mo (I’ll get to that story later). I prefer either First mother or Natural mother.I’m writing to express my feelings on how this adoption experience has been for me.I am not seeing a therapist at this time because the last one just kept telling me to "move on". I plan on starting again, but for now I see writing Read More
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem
I have to say this has been a tough month. I've tried to think back and remember the last two Novembers and if they were as painful as this one has been, but I can't remember. When I say I can't remember, I mean I believe I was in too much pain at those times to understand what was going on around me. My daughter has purposely avoided all things adoption related this month. I have it on good authority that she is burying herself in a computer game in her free time. I know it's her way of escaping what's going on with "National Adoption Month".Every where you look Read More
Warning Labels
We have warnings on everything in this country. My blow dryer has a warning label with a red line crossed over a picture of a blow dryer and a bath tub. My flat iron has a warning label with pictures on both sides. One is a drawing of a baby reaching for the flat iron with a big slash through the picture. The other side shows a giant eye next to a flat iron with a big line slashed through the picture. And, of course, there are all of the pillows in my house that have, or once had, labels that say "UNDER PENALTY OF LAW: THIS TAG IS NOT TO BE REMOVED EXCEPT BY Read More
Groupthink and Adoption
In my quest to make the loss side of adoption known, I have joined various social networking sites that target mothers or mothers-to-be. It seems a lot of these networking sites also include adoption groups, and it is a good place to find someone struggling with the decision of giving up their baby to adoption. I was referred to some of these sites by Susie at Finding Christopher Finding Myself. She's been a great resource for me, and I appreciate her help. These sites have helped me see the deeper issues of adoption.During my perusal of these various networking Read More
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