Every separation is a link. --Simone Weil The premise from the Baby Scoop era that raising an adopted child is the same as raising a bio-child and therefore nothing more needs to be said, is bullsh!t. The premise that since the adoptive parents love the child as much as they would a bio-child means all will be well, and that the adoptive parents’ point of view is all that matters, is bullsh!t. How could raising an adopted child and raising a biological child be the same? How could anyone truly believe it didn’t matter, when knowing where one comes from is one of the most Read More
I don’t drink Adoption Kool-Aid
{Please click on ‘Read More’ to best view this post} I don’t believe that the bond between a natural mother and her child is meaningless. I don’t believe that being raised in an adoptive home is the same as being raised in one’s biological home. I don’t believe my natural mother was a breeder who had me for another couple. I don’t believe adoptive parents are always better. I don’t believe that adoption agencies or attorneys who make their money off of moving a child from her biological mother to other parents have either the child or the natural parents’ best Read More
Freedom of Speech
Do adoptees have freedom of speech? I don't think so. Whenever an adopted person tries to bring up the fact that adoption is not all it's cracked to be, he or she is met with rebuttals like, "Adoptive parents love their children just as much as biological parents do", or "You're making an assumption that the child would have had a better life if she'd been kept in her original family." Well, those things may be true. But here's a newsflash: Adoption is not about the adoptive parents love for the child. Adoption is far too difficult and complicated to be simplified in such a way. Oh, how I wish Read More
All I want for Christmas…*
All I want for Christmas...is a baybee. Or so it seems in Hollywood. Every time one turns around there is another story about a Hollywood star adopting a child, thinking about adopting a child, or being touted for having adopted a child. And if it's not adoption, it's surrogacy. It's starting to look a lot like one would not be remiss to assume that the biological connection between a parent and a child is practically irrelevant among many of those with wealth and privilege. But my question is: Do these adoptions always give a child a better life or a stable two-parent family? Granted, I will Read More
The Unknown Past
The known past can be laid to rest. It may not be easy, it may cause pain, and it may even require professional help. But the past that is known can be dealt with; given the proper attention and the appropriate help it can be worked through and hopefully even be left behind. But the unknown past never can. It will hover on the outer edges of your consciousness and will haunt you until you acknowledge it. It will rattle like ghosts in a graveyard. It will gnaw at you, with an increasing sense of urgency, until you face it. You can try to deny it, but it will rear its ugly head in your Read More
I’m Pissed!
As anyone who reads this blog knows--I could never get it back. I could never get back the life I was born to live. And how does that make me feel? Pissed! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am f***ing pissed. Who on earth are these crazy people who decided I was some kind of 'blank slate'--whatever the heck that is? I am a member of the L family and the M family. I carry their genes. I look like them and I share their medical history. I am not a member of the CP family, as in, 'Cabbage Patch' family. Of course, one would not be remiss to assume that all adoptees of the BSE are related since we all Read More
The Baby Scoop Era (from one who didn’t really live it)
So the question becomes, did the Baby Scoop Era (BSE) really happen? Well, here's one way of looking at it. One generation is usually considered to be 20 to 25 years. I bet 90% of the adoptees who read, blog, and comment on family preservation and adoptee rights were born between 1950 and 1975. In other words, from one generation. Famous adoptee Steve Jobs was born in 1955, singer Faith Hill in 1967, actor Ray Liotta in 1954 and actress Kristin Chenoweth in 1968. And these are just a few of the many well-known adoptees born during this period. Delta Burke (b.1956) is the only famous person I Read More
Would You Be Pro-Adoption?
Not too long ago Robin, our resident adoptee writer, asked me the following question: "If Olivia's adoption hadn't closed, do you think you would be pro-adoption?â€I answered with the following, and she suggested I share it in a blog post: "I’ve asked myself this very question many times, and I don’t believe I would have been pro-adoption even if Charlie wouldn’t have objected in the end. If she would have said the night before or the day she signed the papers, “Mom, I’m fine. This is the right decision.†I still think there would be issues with us Read More
Overshare
Yesterday there was a link to a blog written by an adoptive mother being circulated around Facebook and Twitter. In this blog the mother was sharing her internationally adopted daughter's story shamelessly. Sharing details about her daughter's life she had no right sharing. Details which she used to demonstrate how damaged she believed her daughter to be. She was criticizing people telling her her daughter was "lucky" to have been adopted.I cannot imagine having my history shared by someone else in such a public way. My history is incredibly painful for me. Read More
Our Adoption Story Part 2
Continued from Our Adoption Story... Of course, M and T eventually did agree they wanted to adopt Charlie's baby. They started calling her periodically over the last few months of her pregnancy checking to see how things were going. I'm not sure of what exactly was discussed, but I know during one conversation Charlie asked if they were going to change the baby's name since she had one picked out. They said they didn't know if that was something she would want. She thought about it and told them she thought it would be okay. I believe this may have been in an effort to make her baby Read More
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