Nina Easton, journalist and adoptive mother who wrote an opinion piece "A Mother's Day plea to stop equating adoption with abandonment" published in the Washington Post, is trying to alter the perception of adoption in a country whose understanding of adoption is, at best, rudimentary. How can we consider “celebrating†adoption when the entire institution is so biased against the natural mother and her child? We are given only part of the picture of adoption in mainstream media which is usually that of the adoptive parent. Ms. Easton is not introducing any new ideas in Read More
Grandparents
My family, both sides, originate from a small midwestern town. I grew up knowing I looked "just like my grandmother." People always seemed to know by looking at me what family I belonged with. I never thought too much about this until a family friend came up to me one day while I was sitting outside my grandparents house. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "I just want to tell you, you look just like your Grandma S--. I knew her most of her life, and it's incredible how much you resemble her." I thanked her for telling me and told her I'd other people tell me the same thing. Read More
In the best interests of the child?
"To conclude, though I certainly wish I could tell you the opposite, it is my professional opinion based on the facts as you have presented to me and my research into the law that you do not have an argument for revocation of your consent to the adoption which will be successful."This is the opinion my daughter received from one of the lawyers we consulted about getting her voluntary consent to termination of parental rights revoked. After all this time, it is still painful to read. When we realized the visits she was being allowed were always more about the adoptive parents wants and Read More
Have some respect
I remember my youngest daughter watching me brown hamburger for a dish for supper one night several years ago. She was 3 or 4 years old at the time and very interested in cooking. She asked the logical question, "Where does hamburger come from?" "From cows." I answered hoping she would be satisfied. No such luck as her next question proved, "What do you mean?" I explained hamburger came from the meat of the cow. She quickly figured out meat came from a dead cow and exclaimed, "You mean we are going to eat DEAD COW?!" She refused to eat DEAD COW for supper Read More
It was all about Me
When my daughter first mentioned that adoption was being pushed on her during her "counseling" sessions at the Pregnancy Resource Center, I considered it carefully. My conclusion was that it was not a good idea to give her child away to strangers. "It would be better if your father and I adopted her ourselves," I explained to her. I thought carefully about what an adoption by my husband and I would look like. I came up with the following "rules"(for lack of a better word):1. We would only take guardianship at first, and we would wait to see if adoption was the Read More
Tis the season
My husband and I went Christmas shopping this past weekend. We have made an event out of it for the past several years because the towns we have relocated to for jobs have had little, if any, good places to shop, and online shopping just doesn't satisfy. I usually like to find those things that people wouldn't normally buy for themselves, and the big "W" that's in every little town we've ever lived in just lacks that personal touch. Plus, my shopping tastes have evolved as we are no longer broke with three little kids.This weekend we visited the local Mecca for shoppers Read More
Conflicts of Adoption
For the past couple of days I've watched an exchange going on at a popular blog I follow. It started from a post back in August. I subscribed to the comments then, so I've been getting the new comments by email. The post was about the horrible things that have been said to first or natural mothers (whichever term you prefer). There were quite a few comments that were posted with some REALLY NASTY comments that had been made to women that have relinquished children to adoption.Ironic or Intentional?The post was put up in August, and the comment that re-started the debate Read More
Two sides of the same coin
Thanksgiving, for most of us in the U.S., is a day of enjoying time with our family, giving thanks for our blessings, watching football, and eating lots of food. It's the kickoff day for the rest of the holiday season. For most of us, it's a time of happy memories of family and friends. We reminisce about days gone by and family members lost. I don't know about your family, but a lot of our family's conversations at Thanksgiving start with "Remember when Mom..." or "Remember when Uncle Sam..." (Yes I had an Uncle Sam). I suspect we all enjoy those stories at Read More
Nature’s Grace
I've had difficulty writing lately. Everything I write comes out bitter and ugly. I'm sure it's leftovers from the nasty thoughts we were privileged to read from my brother-in-law among other things. I decided I needed a change of scenery to lift my mood. Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the colors and cool, crisp air. I've been depressed lately, and I know if it were any other time of year I would be a basket case. On top of our daily struggle with adoption, our youngest daughter is being sent to Afghanistan early next year. Needless to Read More
Power and Control
I've been thinking a lot lately about power and relationships. Mainly because of the power my granddaughters adoptive parents have over us, our daughter and our granddaughter. I felt very powerless when they found this blog and appeared to scour it for information. Typically, these kinds of subjects come up in abusive relationships in marital situations, but this experience really brought to light how adoptees and first families can be subject to abuses of power in relationships with adoptive parents. I came across a document online that outlined abusive behavior. Read More
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