"To offer a home to a child in need is a great thing, to help a family keep their child is noble." --Frequent commenter Jay Iyer’s father Dear Father, I was the greatest blessing of your life and you threw it away. You not only had a wonderful daughter, but a healthy daughter. And not only a healthy daughter, but a loving daughter. And not only a loving daughter, but a kind and caring daughter. And not only a kind and caring daughter, but an ethical one as well. And yet, you chose to give away one of life’s greatest blessings if not THE greatest blessing--a blessing that Read More
Much Ado About Nothing?
This post is dedicated to Cherry. Is adoption really much ado about nothing as the prevailing view wants us to believe? Is the fact that the adoptive parents love the child, and that most people don’t even bat an eye anymore when learning that a child is adopted, mean that adoption is now a non-issue? Hardly! I consider myself a test case since I grew up with 4 siblings, all of whom were biological kids. Some were the children of my adoptive parents and others the child of one adoptive parent and a stepparent. But what they all had in common was that they were being raised by or Read More
What were the chances?
"Nothing's wrong as far as I can see We make it harder than it has to be And I can't tell you why No, baby, I can't tell you why I can't tell you why" I Can't Tell You Why, The Eagles, 1979 This post may be surprising to my regular readers since I usually tell my story and my views on adoption in more general terms. But the reason I haven’t been writing as much of late is because I have been brokenhearted. Something happened to me this past summer which was a trigger for memories of an event that happened 30 plus years ago, and the best way to describe myself these days is as a Read More
The Premise is Bullsh!t
Every separation is a link. --Simone Weil The premise from the Baby Scoop era that raising an adopted child is the same as raising a bio-child and therefore nothing more needs to be said, is bullsh!t. The premise that since the adoptive parents love the child as much as they would a bio-child means all will be well, and that the adoptive parents’ point of view is all that matters, is bullsh!t. How could raising an adopted child and raising a biological child be the same? How could anyone truly believe it didn’t matter, when knowing where one comes from is one of the most Read More
If There’s One Thing I Know
If there’s one thing I know, it’s that an unmarried parent does not make a terrible parent just because of her marital status. Sorry conservatives, you are totally wrong on that one. And as our country and even the world become more conservative I feel I must raise the alarm. We cannot go back to the idea that all that matters for a child’s best interest is that he is raised by married parents, even if they are not the child's biological parents. Of course, if we lived in an ideal world every child would be born into a stable, loving relationship and would be kept by their natural Read More
Freedom of Speech–Part 2
As I have mentioned before, I don’t believe adoptees have freedom of speech. Whenever an adopted person tries to bring up the fact that adoption is not all it's cracked to be, he or she is met with rebuttals. I analyzed several of those rebuttals in my earlier post. So now I'd like to share another rebuttal, and one that I consider the piece de resistance— “What did you want your mother to do? You were unwanted. She did what she thought was best for you by giving you up.” Aargh! Obviously, anyone who could say such a thing has been too influenced (brainwashed) by the adoption industry and Read More
I don’t drink Adoption Kool-Aid
{Please click on ‘Read More’ to best view this post} I don’t believe that the bond between a natural mother and her child is meaningless. I don’t believe that being raised in an adoptive home is the same as being raised in one’s biological home. I don’t believe my natural mother was a breeder who had me for another couple. I don’t believe adoptive parents are always better. I don’t believe that adoption agencies or attorneys who make their money off of moving a child from her biological mother to other parents have either the child or the natural parents’ best Read More
Family History Giveaway Winner
Congratulations, Marylee! You have been selected as the winner of the personal family history giveaway. You will be contacted by Nechamie's representative, Joan, via the email address you left with your comment. Joan will assist you in making the necessary arrangements for your article. If you'd like, we would be happy to publish your story here at All in the Family of Adoption. Please keep us posted. Read More
“Bonded at Birth” Virtual Book Tour
Ah, it’s November. My all-time favorite month for good food and good company as Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Unfortunately, November has also been co-opted by the adoption industry with their “National Adoption Awareness Month (NAAM)”. I do find it odd that a whole month has to be devoted to making people aware of adoption. I mean, really, aren’t most people already familiar with adoption? Is it really something that large numbers of people don’t know exists...hard for me to believe. Since we in adoption reform and adoptee rights have a somewhat (cough, cough) different perspective Read More
My Life as a Pizza
So, I have two lives. The life I lived as the daughter of my adoptive parents and the potential life I would have lived if I'd been kept. I'm related to the first group by emotional attachment (and a piece of paper) as well as shared life experiences, and to the other group by blood. But I'm finding that it’s not as easy as I’d hoped to integrate the two. The early search movement, which I wholeheartedly endorse, stressed that having both the adoptive and original families in an adopted person's life would only increase the amount of love s/he had. But I think many of us have found that Read More
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