I have so many questions regarding pursuing a relationship with our granddaughter. I’ve read some adoptee blogs that have an opinion it would have been too difficult for them to have a relationship with their natural families while growing up. Is this true for a lot of adoptees? Is the “open adoption” situation not as ideal for the child as everyone makes it out to be? Maybe some adoptees can give their opinion on this?
Our daughter only considered a stranger adoption for half-a-second. She knew pretty quick it wasn’t something she was prepared to do. So, her uncle and aunt stepped in. That ended up to be the wrong thing as well, but this wasn’t discovered until after my daughter had relinquished. It took her a week to gather the courage to talk to her uncle. Of course, for those of you who know our story know her uncle said he couldn’t disappoint his wife by returning the baby to her mother. So, now we are where we are; in an UNBELIEVABLY painful situation for everyone except for said uncle and aunt.
Is it better that my daughter stop having visits? Is it better that we stop asking for visits? Will a relationship with her mother or us compound the possible pain our granddaughter may experience being an adoptee? Will it be confusing and hurtful to not get to stay with her mother full time? How is she going to feel when she fully comprehends what happened after her mother relinquished her? It split a family apart. We no longer speak to my husbands family. How is this going to affect her? Are we supposed to step aside because we don’t want to hurt our granddaughter? Is our daughter supposed to step aside? Is it different because this is a kinship adoption and not a stranger adoption? Will she be more hurt that we didn’t try to have a relationship with her?
Are my motivations for wanting a relationship with my granddaughter selfish? I would say “yes”, it is partially selfishness that drives me. I also want to do what’s right for my granddaughter. I don’t want her to think we just forgot about her. On the contrary, we think and talk about her every single day. I also think that by visiting now will help us work through all the issues we have so that when she is older we will be able to live in the present with her.
So many questions, and so few answers. I am so very confused about all of this. I am also so very, very angry. I’m not only angry at my in-laws, I’m angry at myself for being so blind.