If you are an adoptee born from a consensual relationship, let’s face it, our parents wanted to have sex, they didn’t want to share a child together. If our parents felt they had to give us up, or even wanted to , we were obviously born into a bad or difficult situation. Our arrival wasn’t joyous, we weren’t welcomed happily into the world. When I was born, there were no cards, no balloons, no excited grandparents eager to meet me. I have always wondered how that affected me.
After I initially contacted my first mother, an adoptive relative told me he admired my courage. And I immediately dismissed the compliment. I told him that it was common knowledge that unwed mothers of the closed era had wanted their children and were forced to give them up, so I wasn’t really taking much of a risk. How did I know this? Based on two, that’s right , a mere two, first mother memoirs, Lorraine Dusky’s Birthmark and Carol Schaefer’s The Other Mother. That was certainly wishful thinking on my part. I realize now that I HAD BEEN incredibly courageous. The story I had been told was that my unwed mother had CHOSEN not to marry my father and thought adoption was the best option for both of us. As anyone who has read my story knows, that was far from the truth.
Happy New Year to all!
*For an incredible essay written by a non-adoptee, see Anthony Brandt’s (aka Lorraine Dusky’s husband extraordinaire) post called “BLOOD”, at his blog, COMPLETELY OUT OF MY MIND. It is written with so much passion, so much conviction, and is so clearly heartfelt about the importance of the genetic connection.http://anthonybrandtcompletelyoutofmymind.blogspot.com/2013/12/blood.html