The known past can be laid to rest. It may not be easy, it may cause pain, and it may even require professional help. But the past that is known can be dealt with; given the proper attention and the appropriate help it can be worked through and hopefully even be left behind. But the unknown past never can. It will hover on the outer edges of your consciousness and will haunt you until you acknowledge it. It will rattle like ghosts in a graveyard. It will gnaw at you, with an increasing sense of urgency, until you face it. You can try to deny it, but it will rear its ugly head in your Read More
Adoption is no mystery to Dame Agatha Christie
"The popular idea that a child forgets easily is not an accurate one. Many people go right through life in the grip of an idea which has been impressed on them in very tender years." --Agatha Christie It seems I can't pick up a book or a magazine, watch a television show, or even have a conversation these days without adoption somehow wending its way into the picture. So imagine my surprise when I picked up Agatha Christie's autobiography, and on page five-- yes, a mere five pages into a 529 page autobiography--I came across Dame Agatha's no holds barred views on Read More
The Party Line
The party line for adopted persons goes something like this: "Your parents are the people who raised you. Your parents are the ones who were there when you were sick, who took of care of you, etc." I was reminded once again of this attitude by someone who, of course, is not adopted. And I must admit, upon hearing this, I was taken aback. I spend so much time online in the adoption reform community, and with supportive friends in my real life, that I had forgotten this is not some naïve attitude from back in the day. It was said to me recently by someone who is a highly educated Read More
Happy Birthday, Veronica!
Today, let's all take a moment and think of Veronica Brown and wish her a very happy 6th birthday. She is one year closer to being able to make her own decision about who she considers her family and where she wants to live. We also send our thoughts to Dusten, Robin, their new baby boy, and the entire Brown family. I'm sure you are all thinking of Ronnie today and reliving the pain of being forced to let her go. Many adoptees have said that the day of their birth is triggering; that they find it to be an especially painful day. With that in mind, we hope that Ronnie will be in touch with Read More
Jake Strickland and the 21st Century Baby Scoop Era
"The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything." --Albert Einstein In case you haven't heard. Jake Strickland lost his battle to keep his son. Taking children from fathers (and mothers) who have not freely given their children up for adoption is the new Baby Scoop Era for the 21st century. Since there are so few domestic newborns available for adoption, and so many singles and couples looking to adopt, using legal chicanery to in essence 'steal' people's children is what our country has come to, in my opinion, Read More
“Hole In My Heart” – An Adoptive Parent’s Perspective
Today, we have a guest post from an adoptive mother named Jay Iyer. Many of you are probably already familiar with Jay from the many insightful and supportive comments she leaves at one of our favorite blogs, First Mother Forum. Jay has kindly agreed to let us post her thoughts on Lorraine Dusky's new memoir, Hole in My Heart*. In an earlier post, She Changed My Life, I gave my perspective as an adoptee on Ms. Dusky's first memoir, so we are delighted to offer a different perspective, that of an adoptive parent, on Lorraine's second memoir. Jay and her family live and work (and go to Read More
Whose Child is Elliott Rossler, Anyway?
Just when I thought things couldn't get any worse...they did. In an earlier post called Whose Child is Veronica Brown, Anyway?, I outlined what I consider to be the evolution of adoption practices throughout the 20th century and into the 21st, and where I believe those practices and beliefs have led us. But, apparently, my understanding was incomplete. It turns out the situation is even worse than I suspected. A recent story out of Mobile, Alabama about a young new mother named Kimberly Rossler and her son, James Elliott, has made this unfortunate fact crystal clear. I won't to go into all Read More
She Changed My Life
Lorraine Dusky, that is. It was the early 1990s. As a result of some changes in my personal life, I became interested in learning more about adoption and about my hidden past. So I decided to go to the library and do some research when I came across an amazing book called Birthmark, written by a biological mother (as they were called then) named Lorraine Dusky. Although the book had been published over ten years earlier, it still had a timely message. And to say that I devoured that book in record time is an understatement. Prior to that, everything about adoption seemed to have been Read More
Whose Child is Veronica Brown, Anyway?
One of the reasons Veronica and Dusten Brown's story has affected me so profoundly is because it epitomizes the change in mindset that adoption has undergone in the last 60 plus years. It strikes at the core set of beliefs about adoption that have been evolving since at least World War II. Before WWII, children born out of wedlock were undesirable, they were considered tainted by their 'lowly' origins and were often stereotyped as sickly and feebleminded. But somehow, someone must have figured out that a) so-called 'illegitimate' children were just as smart and healthy as those born to married Read More
Unwanted
Unwanted. Isn't that really the key? Isn't that what makes being adopted hurt so darn much? To think that you were unwanted by your own parents, by the very people who created you and brought you into this world. In my opinion, there can be no more profound rejection than being rejected by one's own parents. There is no boyfriend (or girlfriend) or husband (or wife) who can reject you to the same degree that your parents can. The only thing that might be analogous is being rejected by one's own children. But even that is on a different level. But the adoption industry is dependent on Read More
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