Lorraine Dusky, that is. It was the early 1990s. As a result of some changes in my personal life, I became interested in learning more about adoption and about my hidden past. So I decided to go to the library and do some research when I came across an amazing book called Birthmark, written by a biological mother (as they were called then) named Lorraine Dusky. Although the book had been published over ten years earlier, it still had a timely message. And to say that I devoured that book in record time is an understatement. Prior to that, everything about adoption seemed to have been Read More
Whose Child is Veronica Brown, Anyway?
One of the reasons Veronica and Dusten Brown's story has affected me so profoundly is because it epitomizes the change in mindset that adoption has undergone in the last 60 plus years. It strikes at the core set of beliefs about adoption that have been evolving since at least World War II. Before WWII, children born out of wedlock were undesirable, they were considered tainted by their 'lowly' origins and were often stereotyped as sickly and feebleminded. But somehow, someone must have figured out that a) so-called 'illegitimate' children were just as smart and healthy as those born to married Read More
Unwanted
Unwanted. Isn't that really the key? Isn't that what makes being adopted hurt so darn much? To think that you were unwanted by your own parents, by the very people who created you and brought you into this world. In my opinion, there can be no more profound rejection than being rejected by one's own parents. There is no boyfriend (or girlfriend) or husband (or wife) who can reject you to the same degree that your parents can. The only thing that might be analogous is being rejected by one's own children. But even that is on a different level. But the adoption industry is dependent on Read More
Dusten Brown in the news
Once again, I have been brought to tears by the adoption story that has affected me like no other. Dusten Brown is in the news again giving his support to proposed changes in the ICWA so that the tragedy that happened to him will not happen to another family. We also want to congratulate Dusten and his beautiful wife, Robin, on the birth of their baby boy. We only wish that Veronica was being raised in the same household with her new baby brother, where she belongs. And Ronnie, if you ever need your supporters, we will be there for you. We will caravan you back to Oklahoma when you are Read More
A Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
Adoption has been called many things. It's been called a win-win-win, the answer to an expectant mother's prayers when she's facing a crisis pregnancy, a way to save all the orphans of the world, and a wonderful way to build a family (on a par with a biological family). It's also been called the answer to the problem of infertility and the perfect alternative to abortion. But I say...Adoption is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Take Carri Stearns, for example. This young Ohio mother made a poor choice when she under an enormous amount of stress in her personal life (her father's recent death Read More
I’m Pissed!
As anyone who reads this blog knows--I could never get it back. I could never get back the life I was born to live. And how does that make me feel? Pissed! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I am f***ing pissed. Who on earth are these crazy people who decided I was some kind of 'blank slate'--whatever the heck that is? I am a member of the L family and the M family. I carry their genes. I look like them and I share their medical history. I am not a member of the CP family, as in, 'Cabbage Patch' family. Of course, one would not be remiss to assume that all adoptees of the BSE are related since we all Read More
You can never get it back–Part 2
I walked into my dining room and stopped dead in my tracks. This is the thought that came to me, "I've found both sides of my family. I know where I come from...But what did it get me?" And that's when I knew…I would never get it back. And what would I never get back? Being non-adopted. Being a person who fit in, who always belonged, completely and totally. I had solved the mystery that so many adoptees will tragically never be able to solve. I had broken through the sealed records. I had broken through the adoption industry brainwashing. And most importantly, I had broken through my own Read More
You can never get it back
This post is dedicated to Kathy. From the moment I left that Florida hospital and was placed in the arms of another mother, my life was forever changed. The life I was born to live, the life that would have started then with my natural parents, would never happen, and I would never be able to get it back. When my father refused to marry my mother and insisted that I be given away, my life was sent on a different path and I could never get the original path back. Once an adoption takes place, that's it. Neither the parent nor the child can ever go back and live the life they would have Read More
Stop and Listen
Too many people don't care about adoptees. If they did, they wouldn't be screaming at them that their feelings and point of view about THEIR OWN experiences are wrong. What is it about adoption that makes non-adoptees the experts on the experience? We don't hear people who have never been diagnosed with cancer hell-bent on telling those suffering from the disease that they know better how to deal with it. Only in adoption does a lack of first-hand experience confer expertise on the subject. And only adoptees get constantly treated to this attitude of, "You are wrong. I know better Read More
The Baby Scoop Era (from one who didn’t really live it)
So the question becomes, did the Baby Scoop Era (BSE) really happen? Well, here's one way of looking at it. One generation is usually considered to be 20 to 25 years. I bet 90% of the adoptees who read, blog, and comment on family preservation and adoptee rights were born between 1950 and 1975. In other words, from one generation. Famous adoptee Steve Jobs was born in 1955, singer Faith Hill in 1967, actor Ray Liotta in 1954 and actress Kristin Chenoweth in 1968. And these are just a few of the many well-known adoptees born during this period. Delta Burke (b.1956) is the only famous person I Read More
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