To me, the saddest sound is when a fellow adoptee advocates for maintaining sealed original birth certificates on the basis of first parents' presumed right to privacy. And it’s not just because he or she may not desire this information. I can respect an adoptee who feels his adoptive parents are his real parents and that they're the only parents he needs. And I can respect an adoptee's lack of desire for this information. While I obviously do not share those sentiments, I wouldn’t judge another adoptee who feels differently than me about who they consider their parents. But to keep oneself Read More
Simplifying Adoption
There has been a lot of talk lately about the connection between adoption and abortion what with the storm brewing over Planned Parenthood and the social media campaigns #ShoutYourAbortion and #ShoutYourAdoption. So, now is as good a time as any to toss my hat in the ring and warn against something dangerous that I see happening. And that is: Simplifying Adoption. There are those in the adoption reform world who feel that if you are not going to raise the child then you should absolutely have an abortion. On the other hand, there are people who believe that abortion should be available but Read More
The Unknown Past
The known past can be laid to rest. It may not be easy, it may cause pain, and it may even require professional help. But the past that is known can be dealt with; given the proper attention and the appropriate help it can be worked through and hopefully even be left behind. But the unknown past never can. It will hover on the outer edges of your consciousness and will haunt you until you acknowledge it. It will rattle like ghosts in a graveyard. It will gnaw at you, with an increasing sense of urgency, until you face it. You can try to deny it, but it will rear its ugly head in your Read More
Adoption is no mystery to Dame Agatha Christie
"The popular idea that a child forgets easily is not an accurate one. Many people go right through life in the grip of an idea which has been impressed on them in very tender years." --Agatha Christie It seems I can't pick up a book or a magazine, watch a television show, or even have a conversation these days without adoption somehow wending its way into the picture. So imagine my surprise when I picked up Agatha Christie's autobiography, and on page five-- yes, a mere five pages into a 529 page autobiography--I came across Dame Agatha's no holds barred views on Read More
The Party Line
The party line for adopted persons goes something like this: "Your parents are the people who raised you. Your parents are the ones who were there when you were sick, who took of care of you, etc." I was reminded once again of this attitude by someone who, of course, is not adopted. And I must admit, upon hearing this, I was taken aback. I spend so much time online in the adoption reform community, and with supportive friends in my real life, that I had forgotten this is not some naïve attitude from back in the day. It was said to me recently by someone who is a highly educated Read More
Happy Birthday, Veronica!
Today, let's all take a moment and think of Veronica Brown and wish her a very happy 6th birthday. She is one year closer to being able to make her own decision about who she considers her family and where she wants to live. We also send our thoughts to Dusten, Robin, their new baby boy, and the entire Brown family. I'm sure you are all thinking of Ronnie today and reliving the pain of being forced to let her go. Many adoptees have said that the day of their birth is triggering; that they find it to be an especially painful day. With that in mind, we hope that Ronnie will be in touch with Read More
Jake Strickland and the 21st Century Baby Scoop Era
"The world will not be destroyed by those who do evil, but by those who watch them without doing anything." --Albert Einstein In case you haven't heard. Jake Strickland lost his battle to keep his son. Taking children from fathers (and mothers) who have not freely given their children up for adoption is the new Baby Scoop Era for the 21st century. Since there are so few domestic newborns available for adoption, and so many singles and couples looking to adopt, using legal chicanery to in essence 'steal' people's children is what our country has come to, in my opinion, Read More
“Hole In My Heart” – An Adoptive Parent’s Perspective
Today, we have a guest post from an adoptive mother named Jay Iyer. Many of you are probably already familiar with Jay from the many insightful and supportive comments she leaves at one of our favorite blogs, First Mother Forum. Jay has kindly agreed to let us post her thoughts on Lorraine Dusky's new memoir, Hole in My Heart*. In an earlier post, She Changed My Life, I gave my perspective as an adoptee on Ms. Dusky's first memoir, so we are delighted to offer a different perspective, that of an adoptive parent, on Lorraine's second memoir. Jay and her family live and work (and go to Read More
She Changed My Life
Lorraine Dusky, that is. It was the early 1990s. As a result of some changes in my personal life, I became interested in learning more about adoption and about my hidden past. So I decided to go to the library and do some research when I came across an amazing book called Birthmark, written by a biological mother (as they were called then) named Lorraine Dusky. Although the book had been published over ten years earlier, it still had a timely message. And to say that I devoured that book in record time is an understatement. Prior to that, everything about adoption seemed to have been Read More
Whose Child is Veronica Brown, Anyway?
One of the reasons Veronica and Dusten Brown's story has affected me so profoundly is because it epitomizes the change in mindset that adoption has undergone in the last 60 plus years. It strikes at the core set of beliefs about adoption that have been evolving since at least World War II. Before WWII, children born out of wedlock were undesirable, they were considered tainted by their 'lowly' origins and were often stereotyped as sickly and feebleminded. But somehow, someone must have figured out that a) so-called 'illegitimate' children were just as smart and healthy as those born to married Read More
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