We are interrupting our regularly scheduled adoption programming to speak about the upcoming U.S. presidential election. As usual, the media is out in full force with every type of speculation on how this whole thing will shake out. But there is one group that is becoming increasingly vocal and which I find increasingly alarming. They call themselves "Bernie or Bust". In my opinion, they are acting like a bunch of bullies with their stance that they will take their marbles and go home if their candidate, Vermont senator Bernard "Bernie" Sanders, does not end up being the democratic nominee. Read More
Adoption is about the Child
Shocking, isn't it? To think that adoption is about the child. One certainly wouldn't draw that conclusion from reading this article about another celebrity couple who recently adopted. The entire article is about how long the adoption process took and what a 'crazy ride' it was. Did it never occur to this couple that maybe the reason it took so long and was such a 'crazy ride' is because mothers, even unmarried mothers, aren't falling all over themselves to give their babies to strangers? Apparently not. In American culture, the mindset about adoption is so overwhelmingly from the point of Read More
The Contract
When I bought a new car, I had to sign a contract. I read over all the details, or at least the ones I could see, and asked all the questions I had before signing on the dotted line. But there is another contract, an even more important one that has been governing my entire life. And that contract was one I never saw, never read, never agreed to abide by, and certainly never signed. I am referring of course to the unwritten contract I had unknowingly and unwittingly agreed to with my adoptive parents. The contract that said: An adopted child would not be hurt by being given away by her Read More
There’s a “Hole In My Heart”, too
It's a new year and while I stopped making New Year's resolutions years ago, I decided this year to make an exception. There was something I wanted to get to that was just too important to let fall by the wayside of my busy life. And that 'something' was to read Lorraine Dusky's newest memoir, Hole in My Heart. Previously, we had published a guest post giving an adoptive parent perspective on this book. But I felt it was equally important for me to read the book, not only for my own edification, but because I wanted to share an adoptee perspective on it with our readers. Let me first say Read More
A Social Experiment
My life is a social experiment. Truly. All of the decisions that were made for me about who was best to parent me, where I belonged, and even how I would feel about it, were nothing but a social experiment based on the era when I was born. A social experiment, I might add, that was based on half-truths and social prejudices rather than facts. The funny thing is, I was given up for adoption so that I could be raised in a stable two-parent family, and yet my adoptive parents divorced before I even entered the first grade. So I ended up being raised by a single mother anyway. Only this time, I Read More
All I want for Christmas…*
All I want for Christmas...is a baybee. Or so it seems in Hollywood. Every time one turns around there is another story about a Hollywood star adopting a child, thinking about adopting a child, or being touted for having adopted a child. And if it's not adoption, it's surrogacy. It's starting to look a lot like one would not be remiss to assume that the biological connection between a parent and a child is practically irrelevant among many of those with wealth and privilege. But my question is: Do these adoptions always give a child a better life or a stable two-parent family? Granted, I will Read More
It is 2015, isn’t it?
“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” --Arthur Schopenhauer It is 2015, isn't it? I can't stop myself from asking this rhetorical question after reading this at an adoptive parent's blog: "Those who are “flipping the script” aren’t adoptees who are happy and content with their adoption experience, they’re the ones who are angered, feel like something was done to them. The adoptees who aren’t speaking out (and far outnumber those who are calling out adoption) are Read More
The Saddest Sound
To me, the saddest sound is when a fellow adoptee advocates for maintaining sealed original birth certificates on the basis of first parents' presumed right to privacy. And it’s not just because he or she may not desire this information. I can respect an adoptee who feels his adoptive parents are his real parents and that they're the only parents he needs. And I can respect an adoptee's lack of desire for this information. While I obviously do not share those sentiments, I wouldn’t judge another adoptee who feels differently than me about who they consider their parents. But to keep oneself Read More
Simplifying Adoption
There has been a lot of talk lately about the connection between adoption and abortion what with the storm brewing over Planned Parenthood and the social media campaigns #ShoutYourAbortion and #ShoutYourAdoption. So, now is as good a time as any to toss my hat in the ring and warn against something dangerous that I see happening. And that is: Simplifying Adoption. There are those in the adoption reform world who feel that if you are not going to raise the child then you should absolutely have an abortion. On the other hand, there are people who believe that abortion should be available but Read More
The Unknown Past
The known past can be laid to rest. It may not be easy, it may cause pain, and it may even require professional help. But the past that is known can be dealt with; given the proper attention and the appropriate help it can be worked through and hopefully even be left behind. But the unknown past never can. It will hover on the outer edges of your consciousness and will haunt you until you acknowledge it. It will rattle like ghosts in a graveyard. It will gnaw at you, with an increasing sense of urgency, until you face it. You can try to deny it, but it will rear its ugly head in your Read More
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