Cats are said to have nine lives. It is a superstition founded in a cats ability to survive accidents which might have killed other animals. Using this line of thinking (and modern medicine), one may conclude humans have more than just nine lives.
Knock on wood (and yes, I just knocked on wood) I haven’t had any close calls physically, but Iâ€™ve had a couple of losses in my life. If you doubt you can have an experience that equates to a “living death” you haven’t truly experienced a loss.
My motherâ€™s death used up my first â€œlifeâ€. The loss of my granddaughter used up the second.
Yes, my granddaughter still “walks this earth” (that’s in quotes because I’m quoting what someone once said to me), but losing her is still a loss. We went into this adoption believing we would be a part of our granddaughter’s life. We believed she would know who we were, who she was, and where she came from. We believed we would know she was safe by seeing she was safe with our own eyes. Instead the adoption is now closed to us. Something that happens to many unsuspecting first mothers, fathers and families.
Losing a child to a closed adoption is the same as losing a child to death. I will repeat that for those of you reading this who do not understand; LOSING MY GRANDDAUGHTER TO A CLOSED ADOPTION AND NEVER SEEING HER AGAIN IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS LOSING HER TO DEATH.
My granddaughter is a part of us. I love her just as I love my children, just as you love your child. I grieve her loss and think of her every day. The only difference is one day, God willing, I will see her again. One day I will show her all of what we’ve written here. One day I will be able to apologize for not being able to be a part of her life because I always, always, always wanted to be a part of her life.
One day I will get that chance.