Kellie has generously offered me an ongoing platform at her blog as we both feel it is important to keep Ronnie Brown’s story alive. We want to show that an unethical adoption is not a one time event, but an experience that has a lingering effect on both adoptees and original family members.
Not so Cut and Dried for Veronica Brown Capobianco
Many commenter’s have written that as soon as Veronica understands what happened to her, she will give her adopters the finger (literally or figuratively) and hightail it back to Oklahoma. As an adopted person myself, I don’t see it being so cut and dried.
I believe Ronnie will attach to the Capobiancos. She has to in order to survive, as she may, tragically, end up spending 16 out of her 18 childhood years being raised by these people. When we are young, we all accept our parents spin on things as well as their beliefs and their values. But as we get older we make our own decisions about what to accept or reject (remember that one about no sex until you’re married?). And many of us come to realize that our parents didn’t always tell us the whole truth about everything. We eventually have to accept that are parents are not infallible.
As Ronnie gets older she will learn her story, but, of course, Matt and Melanie will try to put a positive spin on it. And for a while, I think she will drink the kool aid. The human mind uses a defense mechanism called denial which occurs unbidden and which protects us from facing things which are too painful for us to accept. Slowly but surely, I believe the truth will come to Veronica and that she will no longer be able to deny what really happened to her. In the same way that many first mothers and adoptees talk about coming out of the fog.
When the full truth comes through, when Ronnie can no longer deny it, when she must accept that her ‘loving’ adopters (imo, kidnappers) stole her from her father and then set out to do everything they could to destroy her family, I think she will suffer a trauma that few of us can imagine. We have all been hurt by adoption, but I don’t know if our wounds will compare to Veronica’s. She will have to face the enormous betrayal of herself and her entire paternal family by her so-called ‘parents’. And where will she go for help? What therapist will be trained to deal with a case like this, a case that has been so high profile, a case that played out in front of the whole world and yet was still allowed to happen?
But there is one thing that gives me hope. One thing that makes me think that the outcome for Veronica will not end in the same tragic consequences that it has for some adoptees. In his statement on Dusten and Veronica, Cherokee Nation Principal Chief Bill John Baker described Veronica as, “A child who looks like him”and by all family accounts”acts like him too.” I hope he is right. I hope and pray that Veronica does have her father’s fighting spirit, his tenaciousness and his unwillingness to back down until continuing to fight causes more harm that good.
Until I take my last breath, I will stand my ground for Veronica Brown. And Ronnie, if you ever do want to flip your adopters the bird, far be it from me to stop you.