I have to say this has been a tough month. I’ve tried to think back and remember the last two Novembers and if they were as painful as this one has been, but I can’t remember. When I say I can’t remember, I mean I believe I was in too much pain at those times to understand what was going on around me. My daughter has purposely avoided all things adoption related this month. I have it on good authority that she is burying herself in a computer game in her free time. I know it’s her way of escaping what’s going on with “National Adoption Month”.
Every where you look on the Internet there is some story about how great adoption is. It’s hard to read when your life has been so thoroughly screwed by the very thing everyone thinks is the best thing since apple pie. It’s painful, and it throws me back into those dark days of the beginning of this mess. I can’t imagine what it’s doing to her.
During my perusal of my favorite blogs and some Facebook friend posts I’ve been dedicated to reading to avoid the sickly sweet adoption stories, I’ve come across a few posts that got me thinking. (Imagine that!) One of them was a Facebook post from a popular blog author regarding a conversation with her daughter about talking to her friends about the truths of adoption. She mentioned that one of her daughter’s friends said she wanted to adopt when she got older. Now, I think the girl was only 12, but it confirmed something I’ve been thinking (and I’m sure someone else has talked about before) for a while now. Adoption is becoming a status symbol. Remember when it was popular to have a little dog in your purse and take it every where because all the celebrities did it? Driving a Mercedes, having a designer name on the pocket of your jeans (maybe this was an 80’s thing?) or owning the latest cell phone are all status symbols. Oh yeah, owning slaves was a status symbol, too.
I believe adoption has become the same thing. Look at all the celebrities adopting. Everyone wants to be like Brangelina, and it seems to me that the more obvious it is that your child wasn’t born to you, the better. People will know that kid probably cost you A LOT of money. You must be something if you can afford to buy a kid. So, everyone wants to be just like them and how dare anyone say they are not sacrificing and doing their part by “saving the life of a child”.
In the mean time the children suffer from the separation from everything familiar. The parents who are being taken advantage of suffer. The adoption industry shouts anyone down that might say adoption is not all candy and roses. I can only see that getting worse. International adoption is becoming increasingly difficult because other countries are waking up to the abuses being brought upon their native children at the hands of foreign adopters, and they are limiting international adoptions. The number of women in this country opting for adoption has decreased as single parenthood has become more socially acceptable. Adoption agencies and crisis pregnancy centers are becoming increasingly desperate to make money for their investors. They will use any lies or psychology necessary to get a desperate woman to give up her child, and it’s all legal.
In the meantime, people in this country scoff at women stating they were coerced into giving up their child. They will tell her it’s her own fault and to get over it. They will tell her to be grateful someone was kind enough to take her brat off her hands. Prior to the adoption she was lauded as a hero. After the adoption she will be persona non grata. And the child? Well, they are expected to be grateful as well. Grateful to their first mother for giving them up, grateful to their adopters for taking them in, grateful to their country for erasing their past.
I don’t know about you, but I really don’t like “National Adoption Month”.