I seem to switch personalities. I find myself a little quicker to take offense. That’s the way it has been for the past 2 and a half years.
Really, it should be great. The birds are singing in the morning. Some days are a little warmer allowing us to shed the heavy coats and gloves. I can crack my windows to get some fresh air flowing through the house. I used to love this time of year.
I remember being out for a drive with my husband a few years ago. We were just leaving our house which was located in a rural area. There was an area near us that was protected wet lands. We had to drive through this area to get to our house. It was a beautiful area. Deer, turkey, fox, and cranes, among other wild life, were a regular sight. During this drive, we witnessed several of these animals milling about. It was like they were being directed to perform just for us. It was a glorious sight.
Since the adoption, I find myself hating the sight of spring. I find myself hating the smell of the fresh air, the sound of the chirping birds. It turns my stomach. It makes me jumpy and anxious. It makes me react poorly to everything adoption related.
I’ve been cheated out of my love of this earth by adoption being in my life.