I’m dedicating this post, my first, to my husband. He’s a loving and intelligent person. And, of course, a good father. When Charlie, our daughter, became pregnant, he was the only calm person among the three of us. If I’d followed his example and suggestions, Charlie would have her daughter.
I couldn’t calm my panic over becoming a grandparent or possibly having to help parent another child. I can give a lot of reasons why I panicked, but none would justify my granddaughter being adopted away from her family.
Olivia has only seen her first mother one time, and we’ve never been allowed to visit. Our granddaughter being adopted is our fault. Charlie was having second thoughts before she relinquished, but we told her she should stick to her plan. A week after signing she called the adoptive father, also a relative, and begged for her baby back. “No” he said, “I can’t do that to my wife.” We told him we were consulting a lawyer, and he told us it was ” going to get ugly”. Three different lawyers informed us there was almost no chance we were going to get her back. So, horrible grief overcame, and Charlie posted a horrible letter on Facebook. She accused them of stealing her child and said that they were horrible people. They responded by telling her she could no longer be a part of their family.
It took them a year before they let Charlie see her daughter again. They won’t let us, her grandparents, see her at all. We apparently said things about them. We are not sure what, but I don’t really care anymore. They should have given the baby back to Charlie. The law should have allowed my daughter to get her daughter back. It had only been a week for gods sake! To add insult to injury, my husbands parents and sisters have all turned their backs on us. “How could you ask for that baby back!”. “You need to put on your big girl panties” (said to our daughter). “Your daughter needs to own it!”.
So began our journey of grief and pain. I now know adoption (stranger or kinship) should be a last resort. I would rather be raising my granddaughter by myself than experiencing the pain I am now. We made a horrible mistake that our granddaughter will pay for. We’ve tried to apologize and tell them we should make amends for the baby’s sake. They insist she’s a “well adjusted child who wants for nothing” and we need not contact them about it again. Hmmm….she’s two. Barring any emotional or physical abuse, they only require their basic needs be met. You can tell these people are first time parents who cannot see beyond next week.
I’m sad I cannot change things. It’s like watching a train wreck in slow motion.