Shocking, isn’t it? To think that adoption is about the child. One certainly wouldn’t draw that conclusion from reading this article about another celebrity couple who recently adopted. The entire article is about how long the adoption process took and what a ‘crazy ride’ it was. Did it never occur to this couple that maybe the reason it took so long and was such a ‘crazy ride’ is because mothers, even unmarried mothers, aren’t falling all over themselves to give their babies to strangers?
Apparently not. In American culture, the mindset about adoption is so overwhelmingly from the point of view of the adoptive parents that I bet 99 out of 100 people don’t even realize it. I mean, since we are assured that his adoptive parents will love him just as much as they love their bio-kids, there really won’t be any issues stemming from the fact that he’s the only non-blood related member of the family, right? And of course we can assume this little boy would have been aborted if this rich and famous couple hadn’t adopted him. Uh-huh. By the way, isn’t it funny how it always seems to be wealthy celebrities who find a way to adopt, even if it takes a long time and is a ‘crazy ride’? It sometimes seems as if an adopted child is the must-have accessory for famous people these days.
Our cultural mindset keeps moving further and further away from the concept that biological parenthood matters and that children have the right to their blood connections, and I believe celebrities, with their money and influence, are leading the charge in this. And that frightens me. So, I have to ask: But what about the child? What about his experience? How will he feel being the only adoptee in a family of five (something I am quite familiar with myself)? And would someone want to be famous primarily for being adopted? I have no doubt this celebrity couple will love this child, but I don’t think the fact that they worked so hard to adopt is any measure of that love. Because, you see, adoption is not about the adoptive parents’ love or how the adoptive parents think they will feel about an adopted child versus a biological child (just ask Sherri Shepherd), or even about how excited the bio-kids in the family are to have an adopted sibling. You see, adoption is actually about the child. Yet just like 99% of the other articles on celebrity adoption, this one did not have one word that even hinted at what being adopted might really be like for this newborn baby. The underlying message implicit in these articles is that being adopted is the same as being a biological child, and, as anyone who follows this blog knows, we affirm that isn’t true.
So, move over, Carly, of Teen Mom fame, there’s a new poster child for adoption in town; another child who had no say in being the public, “aw, isn’t it beautiful”, face of adoption. I sincerely hope that the two of you will meet someday and become friends. At least you would have someone to talk to who shares your unique experience of being made a famous adoptee by a television show. And since I highly doubt you will ever have the freedom to express yourself about adoption if your feelings are something other than “my birth parents gave me up because they love me, my adoptive parents are my REAL parents, I’m “just fine” with being adopted”, I hope you will at least be able to express your truthful feelings to one another. Unfortunately, that’s the best I can hope for you, until all people, the media included, finally understand…Adoption is about the child.
Full disclosure: I have never watched this Duck Dynasty family on television and am only familiar with them from what I have read, briefly, in the tabloids.
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I am sorry, Robin and Kellie, if commentators are trying to control how/when you publish or respond to comments.
Regarding this article, if I had to pick one thing about society’s views on adoption that needs to be changed the most, it is this: that adoption is about the child. So, thank you for emphasizing this all-important aspect. We cannot shout this out often enough, and I find that, very often, both biological parents and adoptive parents forget this in their tussle with one another. I think the reason why we forget the child in all of this is because adoption as it is touted today focuses entirely on the need of prospective adopters.
When I look back on what initially led me down the adoption path, it most certainly was my need for a child. I wanted a child, I couldn’t have one, and when you google “adoption,” what do you get? Not, “would you like to give a child in need a home?” No, what you will find is more like, “Want a baby? Call us!” Thoughtful as I considered myself to be at the time, I was rather startled when the social worker in foster care said, “this is not about you wanting a child, it is about finding a home for a child who needs one.” You would think that would have occurred to me, but it didn’t! And, it was an education. So, keep on with your education through this blog.
I agree with everything you say, Jay. The reality of adoption is different on so many levels from its prevailing image and reputation, especially in American culture. And thank you for encouraging us to keep on being true to our hearts and speaking our minds.
‘Children have the right to their blood connections’.
That is a very powerful sentence.
I also watched the video, it was a great event to help peolpe increase awareness of adoption and realise other perspective of adoption. In Korea, most peolpe very strongly believe adoption is a much better choice for children and doesn’t look at other perspective. I often talk my thoughts and experiences about adoption to my (Korean) friends who had almost no idea. As I am not a person who are directly related to adoption, my thoughts might be seen more objective to “general” Korean. I found just let them know by talking or writing is easy and very important way to enhance their awareness as most Korean had no idea what it means to all the peolpe realted to adoption. I am also still learning.
Thank you for your comment, Jasmine, although we are not sure what video you are referring to. We are strong advocates at this blog that adoption is not the be-all end-all answer for unwed motherhood whether in the United States or abroad. The effects of adoption on both the natural parents and the child are too profound, and usually too negative, to use it as a simply strategy for single mothers. We would be pleased if our message gets across worldwide.
Thank you for your interesting point of view, and you are right: adoption in the United States is sometimes centered on the question of what the baby can do for the parents rather than what the parent can do for the baby. Yes, the adoptive parents will really love the baby, but at the same time I think it is important to remind everyone that the whole process really is about the child. Like you said, it doesn’t matter how long it takes or if it is a difficult process. What matters is finding the child a home.
What matters is finding the child a home IF said child is truly in need of a home. This is a family preservation-oriented blog and we believe that every child should be kept with his or her natural parent/s first, and then placed with extended blood relatives next, if at all possible. The needs of prospective adoptive parents to obtain a child are not our priority. We are also not so naïve as to think that all adoptive parents are so loving towards the child. Most are, but there are still many who are approved to adopt who are unfit.