I was completely caught off guard yesterday when I read Susie’s post at “Finding Christopher, Finding Myself”. I have to admit, it made me cry. We have suffered through this horrible experience with little, if any, understanding from others. Most people have an idea that it has been a bad time for our family, but to have someone truly understand is like a light turning on in a dark room.
Throughout this whole ordeal we’ve been made to feel as if there is something wrong with us, that somehow our reaction to the events was unusual. I carry a lot of guilt around not only for not supporting my daughter but also for ruining the relationship between my husband and his parents. When I really started digging around on the internet and found all these blogs that were dedicated to the pain and loss felt by adoptees and first parents and first families, I felt validated in a way. I knew our reaction was not abnormal. It slowly dawned on me that we had become victims of the adoption industry, and the only thing we should be happy about is they didn’t make any money from our granddaughter.
I now feel as if I have a moral obligation to warn others of the outrageous injury being inflicted on adoptees and first parents. Hence, the blog. It’s very difficult to write such personal things, but it’s needed to try and relay the devastation adoption can cause. I cannot change what’s happened to us, but I can try and change it for someone else.
I’d like to say I’m really happy to be a part of this group of bloggers, but I can’t truly be happy about it because members of this particular group pay a very high price to gain entrance. I can’t imagine there is one among them that wouldn’t rather be on the outside looking in. I know I would. I think that’s what they call irony.