So, I have two lives. The life I lived as the daughter of my adoptive parents and the potential life I would have lived if I'd been kept. I'm related to the first group by emotional attachment (and a piece of paper) as well as shared life experiences, and to the other group by blood. But I'm finding that it’s not as easy as I’d hoped to integrate the two. The early search movement, which I wholeheartedly endorse, stressed that having both the adoptive and original families in an adopted person's life would only increase the amount of love s/he had. But I think many of us have found that Read More
Happy Birthday, Veronica!
Today, let's all take a moment and think of Veronica Brown and wish her a very happy 7th birthday. She is one year closer to being able to make her own decision about whom she considers her family and where she wants to live. We also send our thoughts to Dusten, Robin, their baby boy, and the entire Brown family. I'm sure you are all thinking of Ronnie today and reliving the pain of being forced to let her go. Many adoptees have said that the day of their birth is triggering; that they find it to be an especially painful day. With that in mind, we hope that Ronnie will be in touch with her Read More
The Yanks and the Brits
I don’t know how it happened but I missed the wonderful, splendid Masterpiece series that is Downton Abbey. After watching the finale first, I became intrigued and have been watching all six seasons of the show, albeit somewhat out of order. Let’s just say I now know the meaning of the term 'binge-watch'. Downton is a period drama, or soap opera, depending on your point of view, but what a fabulously acted one. As a matter of fact, I had to keep reminding myself that these people are only fictional characters that they didn't really exist. Of course, since adoption is what I focus on, I was Read More
Adoption Revealed
(Please click 'Read More' for the best viewing of this post) I have more money than you So I get to take your baby, too I have a husband and you don't So going home with your baby No, you won't I was born in wedlock So my parents I get to know You were 'illegitimate' So off you go Some parents will give you away Because you're a girl and I'm a boy And when they reach old age They'll call me their pride and joy And if this gender discrimination bothers you No need to complain The people who should be taking up your cause Are feminists only in name They'll pay good Read More
De Nile is not just a river in Egypt, Part 2
We have a lot invested in this culture in the belief that anyone who adopts is a wonderful person who takes a non-blood related child into their home and treats him or her as their own (read: biological), and that the child will always be better off. But this is clearly a fairy tale, Hollywood-esque version of adoption. Giving a child up for adoption is a risky business. Although most people don't want to hear that because it implies that not everyone who adopts is an honest and trustworthy person who has the child's best interests at heart. It also implies that those charged with the Read More
De Nile is not just a river in Egypt
We've all heard that joke about the famous river in Egypt. You know, the one that goes “De Nile is not just a river in Egypt.” Well, there is so much denial in adoption, I could cry me a river. When an individual or couple adopt they must accept that the child will be very different from them. And they need to honor and cherish the child's differences and support the child being who he or she really is. So much of who we are is genetic. This is obviously the case with a person's looks, but people raised in their biological families know that there are Read More
Freedom of Speech
Do adoptees have freedom of speech? I don't think so. Whenever an adopted person tries to bring up the fact that adoption is not all it's cracked to be, he or she is met with rebuttals like, "Adoptive parents love their children just as much as biological parents do", or "You're making an assumption that the child would have had a better life if she'd been kept in her original family." Well, those things may be true. But here's a newsflash: Adoption is not about the adoptive parents love for the child. Adoption is far too difficult and complicated to be simplified in such a way. Oh, how I wish Read More
Reading and Book Signing
Hey everyone in the New York City area: Please join First Mother Forum's Lorraine Dusky for a reading and signing of her new memoir, Hole in my Heart. The event will take place at Spence-Chapin on Thursday, March 31st from 6:30 to 8:30 pm. Here's the link for further details: http://www.modernfamilycenter.org/events/2016/3/31/lorraine-dusky-a-reading-from-hole-in-my-heart "Award-winning journalist, Lorraine Dusky, will read from her recent memoir about her experience as a mother who relinquished a daughter in 1966, and their relationship after reunion, with all of its joys and Read More
Bernie or Bust?
We are interrupting our regularly scheduled adoption programming to speak about the upcoming U.S. presidential election. As usual, the media is out in full force with every type of speculation on how this whole thing will shake out. But there is one group that is becoming increasingly vocal and which I find increasingly alarming. They call themselves "Bernie or Bust". In my opinion, they are acting like a bunch of bullies with their stance that they will take their marbles and go home if their candidate, Vermont senator Bernard "Bernie" Sanders, does not end up being the democratic nominee. Read More
Adoption is about the Child
Shocking, isn't it? To think that adoption is about the child. One certainly wouldn't draw that conclusion from reading this article about another celebrity couple who recently adopted. The entire article is about how long the adoption process took and what a 'crazy ride' it was. Did it never occur to this couple that maybe the reason it took so long and was such a 'crazy ride' is because mothers, even unmarried mothers, aren't falling all over themselves to give their babies to strangers?...Apparently not. In American culture, the mindset about adoption is so overwhelmingly from the point Read More
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